Kyon's problem
by Sokai Koizumi
Summary: Kyon wakes up one day to find something terribly wrong.
1. Prologue

"There are laws against this kind of thing you know!" I yelled at the beaming idiot that was our glorious brigade leader.

"Come on, if we post these on the homepage the site will get tons of hits!" She yelled back at me in an agitated manner. This girl just doesn't get it.

"Listen, not only is this considered sexual harassment, it is a very bad idea to put someone's real face on the internet where anybody can see it, let alone most of somebody's body!" I tried getting through her thick skull.

"We can just blur her face out, that way nobody could tell who it is." She argued back.

"Unless you intend to blur the entire body, I'm not letting this happen." I told her firmly.

"You idiot! If I did that then these pictures would be worthless!" She actually spit in my face while shouting this line.

"Well then, there you have it. Might as well give up on the idea all together," I said while wiping my face with the sleeve of my blazer.

"I still don't see what the big deal is," she said pouting. Looks like I managed to win this battle.

"Most girls wouldn't want their exposed bodies plastered up where everybody could see."

"Well you're not a girl, and you never will be so I don't see how you can know that." What? That's her argument?

"Whatever, just let me get rid of these and forget about this whole thing." I was starting to get a headache.

"Fine, do what you want!" She yelled before storming out of the literature club room that was our headquarters. As she went out I noticed Miss Asahina was still crying in the corner, I should go and comfort her right after I make sure Haruhi can't use these images anymore.

Should I…?

No. These are too risky to keep on this machine, I should really delete them. But… I found my right hand had a will of its own.

And just like that, those terrible images ended up in the Mikuru folder.

Now that I think about it, I should probably explain what's going on with the above. Well, it started when I went to the clubroom after school.

"M… Miss Suzumiya… isn't this a little much!?" I could hear Miss Asahina suffering through the door. Needless to say I threw open the door quickly to see what she was doing this time.

"Hey! What are…. you…." I was greeted by the sight of Miss Asahina, only clad in her bra and panties, sprawled on the ground. Haruhi was standing over her with a digital camera with a very disturbing smile on her face. At the sight of me, Miss Asahina screamed and Haruhi's smile dropped off of her face.

After some shouting, and some sobbing on Miss Asahina's end, we reached where the story began. After making the Mikuru folder invisible and managing to get a devastated Miss Asahina to move again, Nagato, who had not even flinched during all of this, closed her book. Since this was the unofficial signal of the end of a meeting, I took my leave of the room.

Now that I think about it, I haven't seen Koizumi all day. I'm sure even he would have had something to say about all that. As I was thinking about all that happened I was already almost home when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye down an adjacent street.

She had caught my attention since she was in a North High uniform, realizing who it was I gave her a wave as I passed through the intersection.

"Well, I haven't seen her in a while," I thought to myself after she was out of view. It was shortly after this that something clicked into place in my mind. I doubled back to the intersection and looked down the street I saw her on, naturally no one was there.

Though I definitely saw Ryōko Asakura standing there when I passed the first time.

I must have too much on my mind; I'd better get some rest soon.

I ate a quick dinner and went to sleep early.


	2. Chapter 1

Less than a second after my alarm went off, my little sister was bouncing and pounding on my sleepy body. For some reason it hurt more today. I quickly sat up so that she would stop. Once she saw my face she froze.

"Ky… Kyon?" She asked me with a confused look on her face. A little too tired to answer her properly, I just nodded while still feeling groggy. For some reason she didn't move as I got up and went to the bathroom with my underwear and school uniform to brush my teeth and change.

I wondered what was up as I gargled and rinsed my mouth. I'll just ask her when I'm done in here, I thought as I finished dressing by putting on my cardigan. I combed through my hair and tied it up into a ponytail and gave it a quick look in the mirror.

When I opened the door to drop off my pajamas and get some breakfast, I nearly ran into her.

"Hey what are you doing just standing there? You shou-" it was at this point that I noticed something was wrong. My sister was way too tall, wait that wasn't it, I was way too short! And now that I think about it, my voice sounded weird. I took a look at myself and noticed something horribly amiss with my clothes and body. I ran back to the mirror, and my horror only grew.

The reflection that was staring back at me was that of a petite girl.

I had somehow dressed myself in a girl's uniform and fixed my hair without even noticing this, however I wasn't thinking about this, I was too busy screaming and passing out.

When I came to my senses, I was on the bathroom floor and my sister was shaking me by my shoulders.

"You can stop now," is the first thing I said to her, and this time I noticed I had the voice of a girl. I stood back up and looked at the mirror again.

"What happened to you?" she asked me. I didn't answer her though, partly because I had no idea but mostly because I was not really paying attention.

I had the same figure and stature as Nagato, and hair long enough to tie into a pony tail. How the hell did I not notice earlier!?

After a quick check, I confirmed I was 100% female.

"You really are Kyon, aren't you?" My little sister asked just before I could lose it. I slowly nodded, what the hell is going on here!?

"Wow! Kyon is a big sister now!" She said cheerfully in contrast to how I was feeling.

"Listen you," I leaned towards her face, damn I'm short, "Don't tell anybody about this."

"Not even Miss Haruhi?" she asked with an innocent look on her face.

"Especially not her!" A chill ran down my spine when I thought of what could happen if she found out about this. Speaking of the brigade, I bet Nagato could do something to help, and she is usually the only one in the clubroom during lunch. Ok, so if I just wait outside the room, Nagato should be the first one to come. Then I can avoid being seen like this by people, not that anybody could tell who I am anyway.

"Anyway, nobody, tell nobody of this!" I yelled as I rushed past her, if I move quickly enough my parents won't see me like this.

Man, my stride is so much shorter now. It has to take twice as many steps to cover the same distance I used to cover. This hill is wearing me out now. Not only that, but a bunch of the other students heading this way are staring at me. I would think it's mostly due to how I'm practically running towards the school, and partly because they have never seen me before. The only positive thing is that I actually have a uniform so I can somewhat blend in.

I hurried to the top floor of the old building and dropped next to the door. That was too much of a workout, hopefully I won't have to keep this body for long.

"Huh? Haven't seen you around here before," a familiar male voice said to me. Startled I looked up.

"The computer club president!?" I accidentally blurted out.

"Hmm? Have we met before?" He looked down at me with a puzzled expression.

"No…. it's … uhhh…" Damn it, I need an excuse for knowing who he is and fast.

"Well, whatever," he said after giving me a weird look, "if I were you I would stay far away from this room." He pointed to the literature clubroom. "Nothing good happens to people who go inside…" He suddenly looked depressed and walked away down the stairs.

I guess he still misses his computer, and the four laptops he lost.

As I thought the above, I started feeling drowsy.

"Guess the trip here took a lot out of this body, well it's going to be a bit before lunch so a little… rest…." I dosed off before I could finish the thought.

I woke up to someone gently tapping my shoulder, after I opened my eyes it took a few seconds to focus properly.

"Miss Asahina!?" I shouted when I realized who it was trying to wake me up.

"Oh, umm, how do you know me?" She asked started by my yell.

"Hmm? Who is this?" Haruhi said as she arrived in front of the door, before I could say anything.

"I don't know, I just found her sleeping here." Crap, how the hell do I get out of this one?

"A client for the SOS Brigade!?" Haruhi yelled enthusiastically while she pushed past Miss Asahina and pulled me up by my arm. Before I had a chance to run away I was already thrown into a seat in the room.

"So, what do you need of my brigade!?" she asked loudly while taking a seat across from me, It was at this point I noticed Nagato was already in the room. Damn, she didn't even bother to wake me up?

"Oh, who is this now?" Koizumi asked as he entered the room.

"A new client for us!" Haruhi said before I could even think of a reply. "I was about to hear her out." She pulled out her mobile, wait, who could she be calling?

As if to answer my question my cell went off, and the ringer has to be 10 times louder than it's maximum volume.

I checked the display, it was Haruhi calling. I could **feel** the blood drain from my face.

"Wow, what are the chances your phone would go off at the same time I was calling somebody else?" I couldn't enjoy Haruhi's situational idiocy for long, because she had leaned over the table and looked at the name showing up on my phone's display.

"Wait…" was all I heard her say, because the next moment I was sprinting out the door. I was halfway out of the campus when I checked behind me, either nobody was following me, or I was really far ahead.

I got home as fast as my much weaker legs could carry me. Crap, there's no way Haruhi would ignore this. What should I do though? I don't know how long until this wears off, or if it ever will.

My train of thought was brought to an abrupt halt when my cell went off again.

I checked to see who it was, I was expecting Haruhi, but it was Koizumi calling.

"Hello?" I'm never going to get used to that voice.

"I don't suppose I've called the wrong person have I?"

"You were in the room weren't you?"

"Well, there's the possibility that Kyon's cell phone was stolen."

"Why would some random girl who none of us has ever seen before take my phone!?"

"You'd make a good point, if normal thinking is used, but I'm pretty sure by now you are aware such thinking doesn't really work around this crazy club."

"Anyway, is this all you called me for?"

"You went home right?"

"Yeah, I'm in my room right now, why?"

"Well, you should be aware Miss Suzumiya isn't one to let things get away from her, and even if she believes that it was just some stranger with your phone, she's still going to pay you a visit."

It was at this point I heard the doorbell go off downstairs.

"I have to go, thanks for the warning." I shut my phone quietly before moving out to hallway to listen. My little sister was already home so she answered the door.

"Ah hello, are you here to see Kyon?"

"Is he here?" Never before has that voice sent so much fear into my soul.

"I heard him run up to his room earlier." I'll have to think of a way to punish her later, right now I need to figure out how to lock my door when there is in fact no locks on it. Not that it really matters though, I'm sure Haruhi would just break it down. So I went with plan B, hiding.

My closet didn't exactly have a lot of space, but it was the only place I could hide in. I found myself praising the small stature of this body.

"That's weird, there's no one in here." I heard my sister come into my room. "I didn't think I heard him leave."

"Hmmm, well if he's here the only place he could possibly hide is in that closet." I actually jumped at hearing this, which I will regret for the rest of my life.

"Hey Kyon! Are you in there!?" Like hell I'm going to answer, but it seems Haruhi wasn't waiting for one as she opened the door almost immediately after asking the above.

I trembled in fear as I looked up at Haruhi, who wore a confused look on her face.

"What are you doing here?" What the hell am I supposed to say? I mean why would some random girl hide in my closet?

"Why were you in the closet Kyon?"

The above made me aware that my sister was in the room, it also made me feel murderous for the first time.

"Wait, did you just call her 'Kyon'?" Say no damn it!

"Yeah," she pointed at me, "This is what Kyon looked like when he woke up this morning." Did 'especially not her' mean anything to you!?

"Really?" Haruhi looked more frightening than Ryōko Asakura at that moment. "You had something this mysterious happen, and you weren't going to tell me. Unforgivable." You honestly think I would!? It was at this thought I noticed my sister had left the room.

I was alone with Haruhi Suzumiya, and I had no way to defend myself.

"I thought it was strange that you took off when your phone rang at the same time I was placing a call." I tried to make a dash for the door, but my arm got caught and I was jerked back.

"You think you can escape?" Damn it all, I can't get out of her grip! "I'm also going to make you pay for all those times you got in the way of putting pictures up on our website."

Somebody save me!

Haruhi pulled me closer to her and had me in a position similar to what she usually has with Miss Asahina, naturally I was very afraid of what she had in mind for a punishment.

"You know Kyon, you were the only one to stop me from doing stuff like this to Mikuru." Her hand slipped down between my skin and the belt of my skirt, damn why is she so much stronger than normal girls!?

"Why are you struggling so much? Isn't this like a guys dream?" Hell no, maybe watching but being a part of it is about as far from pleasurable as my life being threatened!

That's when I noticed just how far Haruhi's hand had gone.

"What's wrong with you!?" I managed to speak for the first time.

"I told you, you've done something unforgivable so you have to suffer a penalty. And as you are now this seems perfect." There is no situation in which rape is perfect! Unfortunately I couldn't voice my objection as I was completely rendered unable to speak.

Haruhi was putting her fingers in.

What the hell is wrong with this girl, and why did she trust the word of a 5th grader that her older brother had suddenly completely changed in appearance overnight!?

I tried to think a way out of this horrible situation, it didn't help that my strength was being drained by feelings of pleasure coming from my lower regions. What the hell is wrong with this girl?

"Haruhi…. please…." I tried the reasoning route, not like I could do much else. "this is…. so very….. wrong…"

"I don't see what's wrong with it." Of course, reasoning with this girl is an attempt as futile as trying to stop a bullet train with a penny.

It was when she started to undo my uniform that I finally managed to scream.

"NO!!!"

I suddenly found myself back in the hallway outside the literature clubroom. It took me a while to realize what was going on.

So all that was just a dream? No, a nightmare would be more precise. I checked the time on my mobile, class should have just ended. I needed to hurry out if I wanted to miss Haruhi.

Naturally, luck wasn't on my side in the real world either.

As I hurried down the stair case I ran head first into another student, sending us both to the ground. After rubbing the side I landed on for a bit, man that hurt, I opened my eyes to see who I ran into.

"Haruhi!?" it seems I'm plagued to yell out names when I run into people today.

"Who are you, and who gave you permission to call me by my first name?" Haruhi gave me a questioning look, "Now that I think about it, I've never seen you before, how do you know my name?"

"Well… uh…" come on brain, think of an excuse. "I've heard of the SOS Brigade, so naturally I could recognize it's leader at first glance." With her own delusions of the popularity of the club, that just might work.

"It's that really the reason?" she stared into my very soul. Wait, why is she only skeptical at the least opportune times!?

"Y-Yes," was all I managed to spit out. Unfortunately she didn't seem to buy it, she grabbed my arm as she stood up.

"This calls for an interrogation." You interrogate people now!? "Do you really go to this school, or did you steal that uniform from somebody?"

"Of course I go to this school!" This is the first thing she is suspicious of?

"Okay, then what class are you in?" Crap, she'll probably check with the homeroom teacher of whatever class I tell her. I also wouldn't put the idea of having me restrained while she does so past her, so I can't just buy time by lying.


End file.
